Days of our Retarded lives
by Ihearsantaclaus
Summary: kaedes honeymoon has gone crazy!The plane has crashed and the gang has to find there way off a desert island with some help from superpope, springbreakin' John Kerry and possibly Chewbaka!


YOYOYO! Yep, this is yet another one of my retarded, pointless Inuyasha fics…..But oh well! They are fun to write! So.. once again I am warning you now that there isTONS of character bashing and all that good stuff so if you don't like that then I suggestYou read something else watches random person pull out the biography of BarbaraStreisand Uhh…..ENJOY!

Days of our Retarded Lives

Kaede has just gotten married to Kagomes grandpa and they are going on their

Honeymoon to the sandwich islands ( aren't those real islands?) But they decide

To bring the entire gang along with them for no apparent reason…..

Kaede: ( packing) ….and I can wear my pink eye patch with my pink poccadotted

Grandma swim suit on Saturday! See Kagome I do know fashion!

ObeseKagome: ehheh….(trying to shut her GIGANTIC suitcase by sitting on it…it

Breaks.)

Inuyasha: (Bursts into room) Okay Im ready! Whats taking you guys so long? We are

Only going to be a couple of days!

ObeseKagome: Inuyasha! You just don't understand do you? We have to look good for

This trip! Where are your things?

Inuyasha: (coughcough, trying not to laugh at what Kagome just said) I brought clothes!

See!( holds up a walmart bag with a toothbrush, stuffed teddy bear and some rescue

Ranger underwear)

Sango: Guys! ( sticks head in room ) The taxi is here! Hurry or we will be late!

Outside

Sesshomaru: (wering a shirt that says I luv Clifford) It sure is taking them a long time…

ObeseKagome: (breathing heavily coming out the door) Okay! ( long pause) Im ( long

Pause) ready! (collapses and giant 200 pound suitcase falls on her)

Inuyasha: 911! 911!

Grandpa: ( sees Kaede standing behind Kagome) Sweety pie! Your ready!(tramples

Over Kagomes lifeless body)

Miroku: ( flirting with cab driver who just so happens to be Queen Latifah) …Um

Guys do you think we could hurry it up?

Everyone: ( piles into car and ties Kagome to the roof)

On the road

Kikyo: Im hungry.

Sesshomaru: Are we there yet?

Latifah: …..No…

Kikyo: Can we please stop and eat?

Latifah: (mumbles something not nice) fine…

( they pull over to mcdonalds and go through the drive thru)

( while they are ordering kagome awakens to the smell of mcdonalds food…her favorite

thing…)

obeseKagome: ( jumps off the car and climbs into the window, she runs back out with

500 mcmuffins and a pokemon toy from one of the happy meals) drive!drive!

Latifah: (steps on it) ( they drive at 80mph down the road and into the park where they

Mow down random hobos)

ObeseKagome: ( looking out window) what are you doing? That last one was fat enough

To make a good barbeque!

Latifah: …….

( after much crazy driving they get to the airport and latifah throws them out of the

window(kagome has to be thrown from the windshield))

Sesshomaru: well that went well…

Kikyo: come on we've wasted enough time! Lets go get our bags checked and get on

The plane!

( they run into the terminal and rush past a random tom hanks guy who lives there, once

they get to the metal detectors and the bag checker thing they have to wait about 2hrs.)

Tour guide Barbie: Okay! May I check your luggage please?

( they put their bags through that thing were it xrays them and shows you whats inside,

sesshomaru has a feather boa, Victoria secret perfume, and lipstick that he stole from

the dollar tree. Everybody else has normal things except Kagome who gets caught with

her easy bake oven full if crack and a box of goldfish. So they wait another hour because

of the crack incident and they finally get on the plane but some of the other passengers

have to switch planes because there is to much weight from kagome.)

3.2 seconds into the flight

obesekagome: Are we there yet?

Inuyasha: ( has on headphones and only sees Kagomes lips moving) mmhm…yah..

Obesekagome: Hey! Are you even listening to me?( shuts off Inuyashas cd player which

Is currently playing the Marilyn Manson and Celine Dione duet song from the soundtrack

Of ' A Bugs Life')

Inuyasha: Hey! That's my favorite song!

Obesekagome: well Im hungry! Get me some ice cream!

( suddenly out of nowhere the plane begins to shake and everyone starts to panic)

Randomperson1: Oh no! Im to young to die!

Randomperson2: Oh no! Im going to miss the 2am – 6am supersale at walmart!

Otherrandompeople: NNNOOO!

Pilotguy: ( who is sitting in a spot where he could just turn around and talk to the people

But instead gets the speaker phone and mumbles something in it)

Randompersoninthebackoftheplane: We cant hear you!

Pilot: (turns around) um..we are crashing people.

Everyone: oh God!

(plane bursts into flames and starts heading down into the ocean)

( 2 minutes later it blows up and random people and body parts go with it)

Sesshomaru: (falling into the ocean) mommy save me!

Kaede: ( falling) oh yes! I forgot that I had a raft in my pocket!

Inuyasha; In your pocket? How did it get in there?

Kaede: Ye don't worry about that now! ( raft blows itself up and falls into the ocean and

Everyone safely lands in it)

Obesekagome: ( not sinking the raft, it's a miracle) Well atleast nobody got hurt…

(random person drowns in background)

( they float away from all of the craziness and then notice something floating out in

the ocean, as it drifts closer they get a better view, It looks like grisly Adams.

They soon find out that it is Tom Hanks)

Tom: Wilson! Wilson!

( a random volleyball with Tinky Winky painted on it in glitter paint floats by)

Obesekagome: Oohhh! Cream puff!( she dives in and grabs it)

Obesekagome: (licks volleyball) mmmm…rubbery…

Tom: hey! What the hell are you doing to Wilson you sick bitch?

Obesekagome: want some? ( holds out Wilson with a huge bite taken out of it)

Tom: Oh my God! You mutilated him! ( grabs Wilson) Its okay Wilson we are gonna

Get you help fast!( pets Wilson) You are sick! ( throws random black of wood at

Kagome, it misses and hits sesshomaru in the nose)

Sesshomaru: oh my God! You broke my nose! ( passes out)

Tom: I don't care! ( starts paddling away)

( free willy randomly leaps out of the water and pulls Tom down under with him while doing a dramatic back flip)

Everyone: oh my god! You killed Tommy!

Wilson: Bastard!

Randomkidstandingonarockwallinthemiddleofthewater: Jump willy! Be free!( reaches

For the sky)

Willy: ( gets an evil psycho look on his face..he then mows down the kid and rips his leg

Off)

Kid: AAAAHHHHH! ( head falls off)

Miroku: ooh..pretty colors..

Kikyo: (eats gogurt) mmhm.

Randomdirectorguypopsout: No!No! You've got it all wrong! Willy you need to rip off

His head with more passion! And kid you are just ugly so we are going to put this mask

Of Joan rivers on you to ad a little more zest!

Willy: drinks beerFine! But this is the 47th take! You'd better get it right this time

Bitch! (pushes kid in the water )

Kaede: hmm…interesting..I had no idea that this movie would be so violent.

Randomdirectordude: (shrugs )well, the original version isn't but nobody wants to see

A happy cheery story about a whale anymore! They want blood and guts and Paris

Hilton!(Paris walks out)

Willy: (bites her head off )mmm..strawberry…

Directordude: But ANYWAYS! This one is not called ' Free Willy' ! That sounds to

Fruity! Instead we are gonna call it ' Let Darell the fat ass whale who doesn't pay child

Support and has a brother named Molly go!'

Inuyasha: oh…catchy..

(Paris Hiltons head floats past)

3 hours later

Naraku: What are we going to do now? Im sick of playing pictionary! ( throws down a

Random picture of Mike Tyson biting off some dudes ear)

Everyone: ( shrugs)

Obesekagome: I miss the home shopping network ( that was RANDOM!) Don't ya'll?

Grandpa: Not after last time I don't!

(Flashback)

Everybody is sitting around at Kagomes house and watching t.v, they get sick of

Watching the Americas next top model marathon on VH1 and Kaede suggests the

Home shopping network. ( old people like that channel)

Obesekagome: You know..I have always wanted to learn a new language ( scratches

Head)

( a random commercial comes on the t.v for ' Hoked on EBONICS!' With a white

trash redneck dude commenting on how it changed his life)

whitetrashdude: uh….I be getting' da hooked on ebonic and it be changin' my life…..

aaawww yeeaah….

Naraku: What the hell did he just say?

Obesekagome: oh! That could be my new foreign language! My grandpa could help me

Because he is learning it to!

( grandpa bursts into room)

grandpa: Whats crackin' my home dog skillet biscuits! ( throws gang sign)

obesekagome: Bi-Biscuits! Ooh! I hope it's the pilsbury kind and not the crappy

Albertsons brand! ( runs into kitchen, Pilsbury doughboy is sitting on the counter top

Smoking weed)

Doughboy: Yo.

Obesekagome: Biscuits! ( stuffs doughboy in microwave because a random hobo

Named Georgey Bob lives in the oven…ya…)

Doughboy: oh my god! AAAHH! Lemme out! AAAHHH! ( blows up and rainbow

Sprinkles blow out of his head)

Obesekagome: ( opens microwave) Hey! What happened to my biscuits!..oh well..

(licks microwave)

(end of flashback )

Kikyo : (coughs )

Shippou: ( looks stoned )

Miroku: ( messing with that tag that say do not remove under penalty of law) Hey…

What happens if I pull it off?

Inuyasha: You go to jail with Martha Stewart.

Sango: Hey! I think I see land!

Totosai: No you don't! That is Rosie Odonell! And she is on one of those crappy palm

Tree floats from party city that she got for 75 off because she doesn't have a job

Anymore!

Sango: No not that! I mean the thing next to it!

Inuyasha: Holy Friekin' crap! It really is an island!

(they take 4 hours to float to it because Kagome weighs 5000 lbs…even though they are

only like 20 ft away…)

Sesshomaru: ( picks up Wilson) We did it buddy! ( hugs)

(random fish swims past )

Sesshomaru: Hey! Food! ( Pokemon birds come out of the sky and swoop down to get

The fish )

Sesshomaru: You stupid bastard! ( smacks bird with Wilson )

Bird: ( gags then sinks to the bottom with a decapitated little mermaid)

Shippou: We found land! WOOOHOOO! (pulls out alcohol)

Sango: Shippou! Where did you get that!

Obesekagome: Ya…I know something about alcohol….

(Flashback)

Kagomes highschool ( which is a school for crack heads and drug addicts) is having

A special presentation called ' retarded choices that affect ya'lls stupid pointless dreams

…'which shows what happens when you drink and drive..

Obesekagome: I cant see anything! Britney spears big head is in the way! ( bites

Britneys head off) mmm….lemony!

( mr clean randomely pops up)

mr.clean: That's right! ( pulls out a bottle of pinesol)

Obesekagome: PINESOL! Mr. Clean how could you! You betrayed us all!

(bites off mr. Cleans head)…eeww it tastes like that soap I bought at the dollar tree…

( Vin diesel rides up on a pink Barbie scooter )

VinDiesel: (mumbles)Id better get paid well for this….

( Barney comes speeding down the road at 120 mph and mows down Vin)

Barney: huh? What was I sposed to do? Oh Ya!( randomely passess out to look like he is

Dead)

( random walker texas ranger drives up on a my little pony horse )

walkertexasranger: oh no!(chews on hay ) I have to call 911!( It takes him 4 hours to

dial the number and then the ambulance comes up the drive way at about 5 mph )

obesekagome: ooh pretty colors!

( everyone gets out of the ambulance and stares at Vin Diesel who has blood gushing

from his eyes)

( car alarm goes off as the careflight helicopter comes flying towards them, but

careflight is crossed out and and it says ' SPRINGBREAK!YAAA!' with a

picture of John Kerry passed out with 5 margarita glasses next to him) ( you are going to

see this quite often! I have no idea why but me and my friend just thought that seeing

kerry yelling spring break was hilarious…)

obesekagome: he must have a lot of free time…

( the helicopter starts swaying backand forth and then randomely slams into the school)

school: ( bursts into flames with random rats blowing out the windows )

( mary kate olsen and the osbourne kids come running out(cuz it's a rehab!))

walkertexasranger: yep…don't ever drink and fly a helicopter or ya'll will end up

like bob there…( points to bob whos face has just burst into flames) …but drugs are

cool! ( smokes crack )

( end of flashback)

obesekagome: poor bob..and poor barbequed rats…

Inuyasha: Shut up! Weve finally reached land!

Sesshomaru: LAND! ( licks the sand, it burns his tongue) AAAAHH! Oh God!

(sticks head in water and piranhas attack him)

everyone: ( stares as Sesshomaru gets his ear bitten off )

Kikyo: so…what now?

Naraku: well I guess we should go and …OH GOD! OH MY GOD LOOK!

Inuyasha: What!

Naraku: It's the polar bear from ' Lost'!

Obesekagome: Nu-uh! That's the cocacola bear! Look he has a little bandana on!

Shippou: ….that says Heineken? ( blinks)

Miroku: Who cares! We gotta get the hell away before it attacks us like that psychotic

Gorilla at the dallas zoo! ( runs and everyone follows)

( Scooby doo gang randomely runs past)

Sesshomaru: ( has half of his ear bitten off) Damn! Its to fast for us! What will we do?

Mommy!( Martha stewart sticks her head out of a bush) Not you damnit!(throws

Wilson)

( the polar bear is like 30 ft. from them and they all think that it is the last moment of

their lives until….SUPER POPE DRIVES OUT IN HIS SUPER POPE MOBILE! And

mows down the polar bear)

obesekagome: it's the frieken pope! Booyah!

Kikyo: hes still alive? ( sorry ya'll this was written a long time ago, don't take it the

Wrong way please!)

Inuyasha: Ya! Hes the pope! He will NEVER die! ….NEVER!( clenches fist)

(the pope steps out of his pope mobile ( which is black and has a picture of

Marilyn Manson wearing a playboy shirt and eating a kit kat bar , in the back ground

There is John Kerry running around in a speedo from Abercrombie yelling " SPRING

BREAK! WHAT THEN BITCH!"))

Naraku: huh…if you turn your head slightly to the left it looks like Chuck E. cheese.

Obesekagome: ooh…cheese…

Superpope: ( is RIPPED! He looks like Arnold Schwarzzenager ( spelled wrong!) before

He got fat!) Man! I screwed up my rims dude! (points at tire )

Shippou: thankyou mr. Pope!..what are you doing here anyways?

Superpope: ..Got lost…I was trying to get to weinerschnitzel but somehow I ended up

Here…boy I would sure like one of them schnitzels right now..( minds out of the gutter!)

Obesekagome: Can we ride in your car?

Pope: No

Obesekagome: Why?

Pope: Because you will break it with your fatass! ( puts on pope hat) Well..Im outty

(throws gang sign and drives into the water because it is a car/ submarine!..then he gets

eaten alive by Jaws)

Sesshomaru: he was cool

Obesekagome: ya…Im hongrey! Where is the damn walmart so we can get something to

Eat!

Naraku: there is none..only a minyards.

Obesekagome: What! (punches Sesshomaru)No Walmart! What kind of freaks live

Here!

(Chewbaca Randomely runs past them )

Sango: that explains so much..

(the pope SOMEHOW is till alive and jumps out of the water, flying around them)

Inuyasha: What! Your not dead!

Pope: the pope NEVER dies! It was a figment of you imagination!…Can anybody fix

My car?

Sango: figment of our imagination?

Pope: Yes! Just like Kagome who thinks that she is eating a twinkie when it is really

A bee invested tree!

Obesekagome: what?…(bees attack her)EEEKK! They are eating out my eyes!

AAAH!

(Winnie the pooh walks up)

pooh: oh honey!(licks tree)

( John Kerry runs past in the background waving his speedo in the air with a censored

sign on him)

Kerry: Oh! SPRINGBREAK!YA!( ' Im to sexy' song starts playing in the

Background)

Sesshomaru: ( gags)

Inuyasha: come on now pope! Help us out!

Pope: I cant! Don't you get it! My car is broken! Ive been trying to get on 'pimp my

Ride' forever now but seriously! Who wants to pimp out the popes car?

Sango: oh forget this! Lets just make a shelter and find some food.

Obesekagome: ya cuz I sure aint going to minyards!

( they search the island for 4 hours and the only thing they can find is some Ashley

Simpson C.Ds that someone threw in the water and Vanilla ice ( the rapper))

Miroku: Man, this island is just full of a bunch of crap no one cares about anymore!

Shippou: Hey! Whats that? ( points at something in the distance)

Kikyo: its people!

Sesshomaru: and Jeff Gorwin! ( is that how you spell that?)

( some random old guy is running along the beach naked and screaming..another one

is sitting their crying)

Sango: Hey man, you okay? ( pats his shoulder)

Dude: No!( sniffs )my grandma just died!

Everyone: aww!

JeffGorwin: Im sorry to hear that man..your tribe is to and they have decided to let you

Win the day off so you can talk with your brother..

Dude: thanks!(runs off) I cant believe you bitches fell for that! Ahaha!( steps on

Chewbaka, who is laying by the ocean reading the biography of Bill Nye the science

Guy) ( how interesting…)

Obesekagome: Im hongrey…

JeffGorwin: well…if ya'll are willing to participate in this contest then you might get

A couple of barbequed rats out of it… if you take off your clothes ladies then you'll

Get chocolate and peanut butter( looks at sango and kikyo)

Obesekagome: peanut butter?

Kaede: Chocolate?( they look at each other and smile, Kagome lifts up her shirt slowly)

JeffGorwin: NNNOO!STOP IT! PLEASE!( whispers) don't you know that people

Watch this show?

Randomsurvivorcontestant: uh..what about the contest?

Jeff: Oh yes! You guys willnow officially be team boomshakalaka and you will face

These guys..team bling bling.

Inuyasha: uh…

Jeff: Now its time for your first battle…FOR IMMUNITY!( confetti flys out of a

Coconut)

Miroku: What do we have to do?

Jeff: well…its going to be dangerous …one or more of you may die( dark clouds

Start swirling above him and fire is reflecting dangerously on his face)

Everyone: (intense stare)

( out of nowhere they hear a CRACK! And the set falls down on Jeff, killing him.

Rosie Odonnell stands there eating a krispy kreme doughnut by some lamps and

Chuck E. Cheese)

Rosie: uh..sorry..

Sesshomaru: what the hell! It's a set? We have been in a studio the entire time!

Randomcontestant: ( pulols off mask, revealing George Clooney) Ya, did you

Seriously think that we were actually on an island?

Totosai( he hasn't said anything the whole time!woops!): kinda…

GeorgeClooney: ( starts laughing)

( Winnie the pooh, he polar bear and a NUDE John Kerry walk out and start laughing

with him)

Chewbaka: ( smokes crack)

(Pretty soon Inuyashas crew starts laughing with them and they have a freeze frame

moment )

( 3 hours later at hooters)

Kaede: ( wearing her uniform) well..that was a nice little honeymoon…what can I

Get ye to drink?

Shippou: ( whos drunk) ..ahhh…our usuals..

( Duffman strolls over)

Duffman: OOOHHyea! Duffmans party hardy attitude is a trade mark of duff corporation

…Duff..mm,mmm good.( punches Hilary duff and snaps her crappy cd in half)

( Kool aid guy bursts through wall)

koolaidguy: OHYEA!( hooters girls walk up and start swimming in all the kool aid)

Inuyasha: Man..Kaede sure needs to get a new job..

Kikyo: ya..

Miroku: mmhm

( duffman snipers koolaid guy which sends him crashing down on top of kaede and

juice goes everywhere, immediately killing her)

Everything stops

Everyone: ( gasp)

Kikyo: so much for that! ( starts laughing)

( John Kerry ( who is still nude and has a censored bar that has pink smiley faces on it)

,pooh and polar bear come back out and start laughing again)

THE END!

Okay, I know it wasn't all that funny…please be nice with reviews..I promise that the

Nextstory is ALOT better! My homieGdogieskilletbizkit Natalie and myself wrote it and

I think it is perdy funny but it is Extremely long and we still have a lot more to write! So

It could be a VERY long time!sorry! Im pretty sure most will like it though!Oh and sorry that this

story looks all messed up! My computer is mentally challenged!ByeBye!


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